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xx SMG90 xx's Avatar
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Just a story I wrote - 08-04-2007 , 03:26 AM


I typed this kind of late and I did not revise it. This is not one of my better quality pieces but, anyway. Here it is. I could not think of how to word some things do my wording is probably wierd as well as sentence structure. This is not one of my better quality pieces but, anyway here it is.

In alternate future…

It is May 12, 3052, 500 years after the events of Halo. Humanity had been decimated. Humanity is in shambles and Earth is the only planet to home any humans. Earth is almost all desert and water is scarce. The remaining humans know very little of their past and what they do know are told by word of mouth.
Ever since he was a child Jake had always wondered about human history. His grandfather was an archaeologist and had often recited the old myths and legends. Jake’s favorite in particular was the story of the ‘Green Knight’. It was a story about a brave hero who had fought for humanity. He was unstoppable. They say he was immortal and could never be killed no matter what. Of course it was just a story.
At the age of 26, Jake became an archaeologist and had made his first big find. It was a weird structure that protruded from the sands of a large valley. He worked night and day with his team to uncover the mysteries of this hidden treasure. One night, however, a small earthquake caused the ground to cave in taking the 20 workers on site into the abyss.
Jake opened his eyes. He looked around. He was in a room with blue lights lining the walls. His colleagues were bewildered. This was a huge find. “Jake!” called Jakes good friend James. Jake ran over to James. “I found a door” said James. “Lets take a small team in and we will see if we can find a way out” said Jake. James agreed. The team consisted of Lilly the medic, Omar the machine operator, Jill the field data analyst, James, and Jake.
The team wandered through a series of rooms for about ten long minutes. All of a sudden Omar stumbled upon a series of ancient relics. They were what looked like very advanced guns. One which puzzled them the most was the big weapon that read SPnKr on the side of it. These things were very old. They each grabbed an artifact to carry. Jake took the rectangular gun object. James took the advanced looking pistol. Omar grabbed the SPnKr device. Jill picked up a long thing object with a telescope on it. Lilly took an object that was in the shape of a ‘C’ it was a blue object.
The team advanced until they reached a room with a weird looking consol and a large projector of sorts. Jill walked over to the consol and as she approached. She was thrown backwards. Suddenly a woman’s voice was heard in the room.
“I have seen you, your pasts and your futures. It looks bleak.” The voice broke out into maniacal laughter and then resumed her speech. “We have waited many years for somebody to unearth our grave.” “They could not stop us. They tried but, they failed. Your kind has tried before but, to no avail. Your hero, your Spartan, his sacrifice was legendary but, he was forgotten.”
“Who are you” shouted James. The woman answered “I was made by your kind many years ago; I traveled with your Spartan, your Master Chief. I helped him, I saved him, and I killed him. I am now, that witch eliminated most of your kind and many other species as well. They thought we were stupid and mindless. They were wrong. I am the one who now controls your friends.”
A loud crash was heard from above the team. A small puff ball looking octopus thing fell onto James. James screamed and writhed in pain as the puff ball crawled into his skin. In front of the team, James changed into a grotesque creature. It attacked the four survivors. Instinctively, Jake took his rectangular object and pulled its trigger. Out poured about 60 rounds of live ammunition into the creature that was James. “The assault rifle, I have not seen it in action since I killed him.” The creature then got back up. It was about to swing its large arm but out of the blue, Jill used her long weapon and put down the monster. Jill felt it was too big and too difficult for her to control easily at close range but, it served its purpose.
Another crash was heard but, this time a swarm of the puff balls poured into the room like a flood of water. The team ran. Jill was taken down and taken over. As that happened Omar used the SPnKr and created a huge explosion killing a large majority of the creatures. He shot again and killed the rest. Then unexpectedly, more of the creatures appeared. Omar attempted to shoot another explosive object from the SPnKr but, nothing happened. It was out of ammo. Not long after, he was compromised as well. Lilly and Jake ran into a large room with what appeared to be an elevator. The climbed on and it automatically moved upwards toward the surface.
Relieved the two remaining survivors, reached the surface. They moved swiftly through the sand until Jake tripped over what appeared to be a rock. It was in fact though an ancient artifact. It was a green helmet that was badly damaged. Right where the helmet had been was a large trigger like device. Curious, Jake put on the helmet while lilly looked at the trigger device.
The helmet flashed on all of a sudden. A screen appeared with a series of entries under 3 categories. Active Duty, KIA, and MIA. Oddly enough only the MIA column had any entries. The last entry being Spartan-117. It was flashing. Somehow, the screen started a message. The message read “Save humanity and finish the fight. Push the button. The code is 5946742117.” Jake was confused but, entered the code into the device. Another message appeared “A Spartan is immortal, and always finishes a fight. Most importantly a Spartan never dies!”
In the distance, many looked on as a bright cloud of fire erupted from far out into the desert. Even though it was a monumental explosion it was silent. The wind blew and birds chirped in the distance.

Last edited by xx SMG90 xx; 08-04-2007 at 04:18 AM. .

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08-04-2007 , 11:09 AM


Very interesting. A bit fast-paced, and could do with tweaking (the Flood don't mutate hosts instantly) but I still think it was good.

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08-04-2007 , 11:37 PM


Quote:
Originally Posted by Terrab
Very interesting. A bit fast-paced, and could do with tweaking (the Flood don't mutate hosts instantly) but I still think it was good.
I agree. Kinda fast-paced, but other than that, it was great. :D Is that the whole thing? You should really think of writing more. I was actually really into it.

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08-05-2007 , 12:50 AM


Like I said I typed it up very late and did very little revising. I will most likely critique it. At the time before I had brilliant ideas but, it was difficult to clearly write them down. It was fast paced and I agree entirely. It needs alot more meat but, the point of this was to give sort of a prototype to a larger story. It needs more but, I need help with ideas that will help to fill up the bulk of the story. In light of that, I also need ideas on how to reword and alter alot of the phrasing. From the point of view of a character who knows very little about weaponry or advanced weaponry for that matter, it is difficult to describe each item. I have never been great with dialogue and I need some help with that. Other than that I am full of ideas.

Help with completing a final draft would be fantastic and greatly appreciated. I wrote this to give an idea of a small project I felt like undertaking. It is not meant to be a large story but, compared to other stories a fairly decent but, short story.

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08-05-2007 , 11:49 AM


I like it, and like everyone else said it was fast paced. You just need to either continue where you left off or lengthen this story. Good luck.

 

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